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 Ozma n' roxy were giving a chase; The stockings were hung by the gawdy green tree In hopes that we'd be visited by Uncle Jesse; The bottle of white wine was nearly all done, While visions of "Lingo" played in re-run; And Dana in her jammies, and I my pink shoes Had just realized we were all out of booze, When out of nowhere there arose such a noise I then thought the cats had knocked over my toys When, what to my wondering eyes should be seen But Danny Tanner, whose jokes were not clean With a friend saying "Cut it out" on the phone I knew in a moment it was Joey Gladstone. The Tanner family had finally came, And they hugged and laughed and called out their names; "Now DJ! Now Steve! Now Michelle and Stephanie! On Comet! Kimmy Gibbler! On Alex and Nicky!" And then, in a twinking, I heard before long The dancing and remaking of a Beach Boys song. Knocked over the bottle as I turned around, Thru the chimney Uncle Jesse came to rock down. He was dressed all in leather from his head to his hand And his sideburns attached to a mullet so grand; An electric guitar he flung on his back, A gift from the Rippers about five years back. He had awesome hair from all of the mousse That stayed in place and never came loose A wink of his eye and a point to his head, Warning not to touch the hair or I'd end up dead; He plugged in his guitar and ever so clever He sang a Christmas version of "Forever". He then waved good-bye, a disappointing rub But Uncle Jesse had a gig that night at the Smash Club. And I heard him exclaim, as he rocked out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all! Have Mercy! Good-night!" |
