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Ryan's Celebrity Crushes
Someone said to me recently, "Ryan, seeing as how you're a worldwide superstar, do you have any celebrity crushes of you own?"
Well yes I do. I've always fancied one celebeauty (see that, how I combined "celebrity" and "beauty"... I'm awesome) or another. So I thought I'd go a step further, as usual, and give you a list of celebs I've crushed on over the years. Some of these I liked when I was younger, and some will never fade from my heart. So here goes, in no particular order.
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Jodie Sweetin
When I was a kid I had a mad crush on Jodie Sweetin. For those who don't know who she is, shame on you. For more information, she was Stephanie Tanner on Full House. Most of my friends had a thing for Stephanie's older sister DJ, but not me. It's quite possible to believe that Miss Sweetin was my first celebrity crush. If it wasn't her, then it was Miss Elizabeth from the WWF.
I can't really tell you why I liked her when I was a kid. I mean, it's not like I thought she had a smokin' body or anything like that. She was just a kid and so was I. Her "Stephanie" character was often misunderstood, just like me, and that probably led to the crush too.
As an adult though, I had no problem saying that she grew up to have a smokin' body. Even when she was using Crystal Meth. How rude.
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Kate Hudson
What do you get when you let Goldie Hawn reproduce? A younger, cuter version of Goldie Hawn who just so happens to have a thing for grubby musician-types. I think the first Hudson movie I saw was How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days. It's a pretty common chick flick to be sure, but I haven't met a guy yet who didn't like it. And I haven't met a guy who didn't end up with a crush on Kate Hudson because of it.
I feel bad for my wife in a sense because we watched that movie together just as we started dating, and she had to sit through an hour and a half of me going, "Wow! She's incredible!" Nowadays, I still think Kate Hudson is a babe, but she lost points for ditching the dude from the Black Crowes.
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Rachel Leigh Cook
When it comes to Rachel Leigh Cook I never really had a full-on celebrity crush on her. I was wasted on the couch one evening while my old roomate was watching (for some strange reason) Josie & The Pussycats. I couldn't begin to tell you what the movie is about because I was far too intoxicated to remember any of the surely brilliant plot. I do remember, however, leaning over to my roomate Josh every few minutes and saying, "She is sooooooooooooo hot."
And I meant it.
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Jessica Alba
The one and only single intelligent reason I ever even bothered to watch that now-classic film, The Love Guru.
Need I say more?
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Gwen Stefani
She can have pink hair and be a babe. She can have a dot on her forehead and STILL be a babe. She barely has anything happening in the way of breasts and still she's a total babe.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
I didn't get caught up in Gwen during the mid-90s and the whole "I'm Just A Girl" thing. Nope, it wasn't until I saw the video for No Doubt's "Underneath It All" that I started crushing on Miss Stefani. You know, at the end, when she's barely wearing any makeup and she's jumping on the bed with the pillow...
Do I need to say "Mmmmmmmmmmm" again?
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Elisha Cuthbert
When I was younger, Elisha was on this little Canadian show called Popular Mechanics For Kids. She wasn't old enough to be a babe, but we all knew it would happen someday.
Fast-forward to 2004: You know, nine or ten years can really make a difference. There I was watching The Girl Next Door, thinking most of the same things all the other guys were, but then it dawned on me... where have I seen her before?
When I clued in that she was a TV staple of my childhood I felt kinda weird about perving over her in this movie. Not weird enough that I'd actually stop the perving, but just enough to make it pleasantly uncomfortable.
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Allison Mack
I've always been a huge Superman fan. And I mean a die-hard fan. I completely support the "underwear outside the pants" look. When it comes to the Man of Steel, I don't dig change. But Superman returned to television in the show Smallville and I liked the fresh approach on the character. Possibly the best part of the show was Chloe; Clark's best friend. She was super-cute, super-smart, and had a super-duper crush on young Mr. Kent. I liked her. A lot. In fact, I wanted to ignore the entire Superman mythos and have Chloe and Clark hook up. Forget Lana. To hell with Lois. Clark should've totally been giving some super-lovin' to Chloe. 'Cause that's what I would've done.
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Bea Fucking Arthur
There isn't much I haven't already said about Bea Arthur. She was quite possibly the most wonderful woman who ever lived. She could walk into a room and kill men with one sexy look. And even though she did make-up commercials for Shopper's Drug Mart, she was a natural beauty.
Bea Arthur was so incredibly hot that on the Golden Girls three old hags moved in with her in hopes that some of Bea's sexyness would rub off on them. Bea played Dorothy Zbornak on the show, and the other three actresses were never considered a sex symbol in the same way Bea was.
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Alicia Keys
To prove that I'm not a chauvanistic male type, I present Miss Alicia Keys. I totally fell for her voice. I could close my eyes and just listen to her sing the day and I would still get all hot n' bothered. I started listening to her when I heard she did a remake of Prince's How Come U Don't Call Me Anymore?, and he vocals sent shivers down my spine.
So then I googled her to see what she looked like, and it was no surprize that she had all the physical attractions of a babe to go along with her talented voice. She's also hot in that classic kind of way, when you think about it. A beautiful woman with a strong voice sitting at the piano... now that's a poster I'd put on my wall... well, if my wife would let me. And I doubt she would.
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Alicia Silverstone
I'm starting to think I have a thing for women named "Alicia". Anyway, before she was Batgirl, Silverstone was prominently featured in the Aerosmith videos Cryin', Crazy, and Amazing. Every thirteen year old boy had a crush on her. I swear I wasn't the only one. My friend Doug showed me the Cyrin' video and that's where my Silverstone crush began. It's also where my Aerosmith obsession began. Silverstone fittingly starred in the movie Crush and had the hots for none other than The Dread Pirate Roberts.
With the exception of Batman & Robin this woman has done no harm.
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Neve Campbell
I watched Neve Campbell in the movie Scream at my friend Rebekah's birthday in high school. It was instant celeb-love. Neve Campbell became the center of my attention for the better part of 1997. When I went to the theater to see Scream 2 I uttered threats at her on-screen boyfriend. Yup, I was crushing pretty hard. If she already wasn't great enough in my eyes, then imagine my great epiphany when I realized she had been on an episode of The Kids In The Hall (the episode with the perving pizza guys). My friends supported my crush on Neve too. Angie gave me a poster of Neve for Christmas, and I think she also taped a few episodes of the Canadian show Catwalk for me as well.
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And those are the babes who have taken spotlight in my eyes over the years. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it.
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