RYAN FAN CLUB MERCH
Exclusively from CafePress.com | |
RYAN FAN CLUB MERCH|
Exclusively from CafePress.com | |
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Hockey Expansion 2014!
The other night I watched a documentary on the NHL Network about the 1967 NHL Expansion. For those who don't know, up until that year there were basically six teams in the NHL. That was also the last time the Toronto Maple Leafs won a Stanley Cup. Kinda makes you wonder if it has been the sheer amount of competition that has kept the blue n' white down for so many years now.
Anyway, over the years the NHL has expanded to thirty teams, many of which aren't even around anymore. The Colorado Rockies are gone, but a baseball team lives on in their name. The Quebec Nordiques moved to Colorado and became the Avalanche. I never even knew their was a team in Oakland until I saw the documentary. So here are a few Expansion Teams that I propose the NHL consider for their 2014 Season. Let's take a look.
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The Eternia Greyskulls
Talk about expansion! Fuck having the season opener in Europe, the NHL would be going to another planet! I would imagine that getting home games on digital cable for the Greyskulls would be completely possible by 2014.
Division: Central
Probable Fate: After just squeaking in a playoff spot by nudging out Chicago in a shoot-out, the Greyskulls (lead by league leading scorer K. Randor) would sweep the second place Red Wings in the first round. They would fight their way to a seven game series in the second round against the Los Angeles Kings, but ultimately injuries to B. Mann, M. Atarms, and T. Jaw would prove to outweigh their strengths.
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The Womens Ryan-Fans
In the early 90s, Manon Rheaume was the first lady to play for an NHL team. Only two decades later and we get an entire team of awesome ladies skating around in pink, supporting Candian Prime Minister Ryan Fan Club.
Division: Northeast
Probable Fate: The Ryan-Fans would finish third overall in the Eastern conference, led by the powerful first line of D. Ewing, C. Laflamme, and R. Makin. In the playoffs though, they would let their egos get in the way of their goals (just like Mr. Fan Club would) and ultimately be beat out by the Philadelphia Flyers in six games.
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The Exit 69 Big Beaver Roaders
Located almost too close to the Detroit Red Wings to warrant a team, the Roaders play in a small Michigan arena and have built up quite the rivalry with the Red Wings. People who even think of throwing an octopus will be shot on sight.
Division: Central
Probable Fate: Just to further disassociate themselves from the Russian-infused Red Wings, the Roaders built their team up around grinders and goons, and finished dead last in the NHL. Their only four wins of the season came against Detroit, as their philosiphy seemed to be all about building a good rivalry. The team probably will never make the playoffs.
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The European Right Said Fredders
As mentioned above, the NHL has been trying to break into European markets for some time now. And what has crossed over to North Americans from Europe better than Right Said Fred? Nothing! Here's how it works: The Phoenix Coyotes finally get the boot from the league and are sent to play in the German leagues, under the new name of the Hasselhoffers. In return, the NHL gets the Fredders in their place.
Division: Pacific
Probable Fate: European-style hockey has really taken over the NHL over the last fifteen years or so. So there's no doubt in my mind that the Right Said Fredders would finish first overall in the league, and go on to trump the New York Islanders in five games of the Stanley Cup finals.
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In closing, as you scratch your head in regards to these four new team proposals, just think to yourself, hey, it could happen...
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