RYAN FAN CLUB MERCH
Exclusively from CafePress.com | |
| 
People I Just Don't Like
As much as I want to think that I like everyone, one could only assume that there are people I don't like at all. It keeps our little universe in balance. In fact, up until very recently I loathed Bruce Willis and wouldn't watch a movie with him in it. My wife convinced me to sit through The Whole Nine Yards and when I realized that Mr. Willis didn't like mayonnaise I found a new appreciation for him. Down with mayonnaise! So here are some folks that I just don't like. And I don't think even a hatred of mayonnaise is enough to change my mind about them.
|
The Beatles
I am so goddam sick of hearing people go on about the Beatles. Fuck the Beatles. Sure, their music was okay and they pretty much created the whole pop-rock music thing, but that's just a matter of being in the right place at the right time. I'm gonna say it again: Fuck the Beatles. And what's worse is when a Beatles fan overhears you saying you don't like the Beatles. I'm expecting a lot of mail that I don't plan on reading from Beatles fans after this. It's like everyone is entitled to have their own opinion... except for when it comes to not liking "The Fab Four". If you support abortion or statutory rape you'll be called "Left Wing" but if you say you don't like the Beatles you'll be called "an ignorant asshole".
|
|
 |
The Cast of Friends
What the hell? I can't turn my television on without this show being on? There really needs to be an AFN (All Friends Network) in which they just show that bloody show 24/7 because at 7 pm it's on one station... then at 730 it's on another... this pattern goes in half hour increments all evening long. My real problem with the show isn't the schedule though. It's the cast. Not even the afformentioned Whole Nine Yards could get me to like that Chandler guy. Courtney Cox has been getting on my nerves for years. What the "F" was she doing in the live-action He-Man movie anyway?
|
|
Sandra Bullock
I had a buddy in high school that was right in love with Sandra Bullock and couldn't figure out why I didn't like her. I still don't know. It's just that *gitchy* feeling I get when I see her in a movie. There's another actress named Linda Fiorentino (she's the one you hire when you can't afford Bullock) and she pretty much does the same thing to me. Sandra here has really nice hair, a great smile, and I'm guessing a really nice personality too... but I just don't like seeing her in movies. Does that make me an asshole? Yeah, probably, but I'm not going to lie about it. I think maybe I should apologize to her though. I'm sorry Sandra Bullock. I'm sorry I don't like you without any true justicification as to why. I guess my dislike of her is akin to why the sky is blue. We just have to accept it for what it is.
|
|
 |
Kurt Cobain
According to music historians, Cobain and Nirvana completely destroyed hair-metal and revolutionized rock n' roll for the better by creating grunge. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news (bad for them, good for me), but grunge is just as dead as Nirvana. Oh, and Whitesnake is still fucking on tour. So is Motley Crue. And Poison. Hell, even Twisted Fucking Sister survived. Still, every now and then you'll see some girl walking around with one of those smiley-faced Nirvana shirts. They just don't get it. Not only did Cobain's death signal the end of grunge, but it also gave Dave Grohl something better to do with himself. Well, at least Nirvana fans aren't as bad as Beatles fans. They don't put up the same kind of pointless fight. They're just content to wear their flannel shirts tied around their waists. And for that I'm grateful.
|
|
Nemo
I like fish. I like eating fish, and I like tropical fish you can buy at the pet store to keep as pets. Those ones I don't really want to eat. But Nemo seriously needs a punch in the face. The only problem with that is he's really only the size of my pinky finger. I don't want to kill him. I just want to give him a good smackin'. And not even so much as to really hurt him. I think a light smackin' that suggests, "hey you, stop being so f-ing annoying", is in order. Maybe he'll get the point. I just hope his movie was a one-off. Finding Nemo was boring enough that I'd hate to see that little runt run away from home again. Or swim away from home. Whatever. Unless of course, he swam away and never returned. That's a five-minute featurette I'd love to see.
|
|
And that's that. So now you know I'm human after all. There are people I don't like too.
|
