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|     A) Jareth is one confident dude I guess when you're The Goblin King you need to have a certain amount of je ne sais quoi about you. Jareth rules his goblins with an iron fist. If they do him wrong, they go straight to the Bog of Eternal Stench. Now that's a threat. "Hey __________ (insert random dumb goblin name), you didn't clean my bathing quarters to my liking... for that I will send you to the smelliest place of all time!" Don't mess with Jareth. His confidence goes further than that. At no point in the movie does he truly believe that the baby he has stolen will not become a goblin. This is totally apparent in his sinister laugh. Jareth is so confident that he doesn't even feel the need to pay attention to his minions. They garble at him about crap he doesn't care about, and he just sits there and twirls his magical orbs around in his hand. Bottom line: Jareth will do whatever he wants because he knows he's the king.   B) Jareth nearly hooked up with the uber-hot Sarah Okay, Jareth is an older dude who is totally trying to hook up with the irresistable Sarah. It's almost creepy, but for some reason we all let it slide. Mostly because dudes around the world would try to hook up with her too. And on the girl's side of things, when they see Jareth's hair they don't take him all that seriously. There are theories that suggest Jaerth only took Sarah's baby brother at the beginning so he could devise an elaborate plan to hook up with her towards the end. When you think about it, the guy has enough goblins kicking around already. And it's not like he actually enjoys their company. A couple times during the film, Jareth nearly gets his prize. The most noteworthy being at the masquerade. It's there that we learn there's more to Sarah than just her innocence as she starts to realize that if she doesn't wanna get in this old dude's van, she doesn't have to. Or as she eventually puts it, "You have no power over me". C) Jareth has one sweet pad C'mon, the dude owns his own gigantic maze. Who wouldn't want to live there?    D) Jareth can get away with wearing tight purple pants When you ask someone who wasn't a child in the 80's if they've seen Labyrinth, usually their first response is: "Isn't that the one where David Bowie wears really tight purple pants and you can see his package?" Yes it is. This makes Jareth's costume one of the most memorable of all time. Jareth's tight purple package is nearly as important to history as, say, Princess Leia's bun hairstyle in Star Wars. Though, the last time I checked, we couldn't see Leia's package bulging out at us in high-def widescreen. So now that I've examined some of the finer points of Jareth (feel free to insert your own purple package pun here), I think when my wife gets home I'll force her to sit through the movie. I'm actually listening to the soundtrack as I write this. Have a great day!
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