 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 
 
|  Ryan's Best Man Speech The Version Josh wouldn't let Ryan say This isn’t Josh’s first marriage. No, no, that’s right. And I know what you’re thinking too. But alas in January 2001 Josh moved into 56 Dundas Street with yours truly. We lived together for a year and a half which would qualify us as common-law partners. So Josh, I think it’s only fair that you give me half of everything you own… I’ll take CDs and DVDs, it’s okay… half of everything to compensate for my emotional strain and suffering from losing you. Just for the record, we never slept together… except for the night before we moved out. Nothing physical, just two mattresses in the living room surrounded by boxes full of Josh’s CD collection. Seriously, we’re looking at about ten or twelve boxes full of CDs… well he tried to cuddle with me but I wanted nothing to do with it. Half your stuff… mine. Josh and I were poor, hungry boys. He used to steal nachos and wings from the bar he worked at just so we'd have food to eat. Then one day he stopped bringing home nachos... and he started bringing home this girl. Christy is a nice girl, but I couldn't eat her, and I certainly couldn't dip her in sour cream. Putting her in a hot oven for 20 minutes was certainly out of the question. Bye-bye nachos. And now Josh is married to Christy. That means no more games with the boys. No more dinky squeeze. No more baby-bum-squish-squish. You’re an adult now Josh. Sucker. As that great song says “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Josh with a … dare I say it?” I want to thank Josh for having me here today as his best man. I know Peter would've wanted to see this day. And thank you to Christy for taking Josh out of our apartment and out of my hair. And lastly, one more congratulations to the bride and groom… Mr. and Mrs. Clements!
|
