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March 18, 2007
Yesterday was St. Patty's Day. Practically another Christmas for me. I started drinking at 11:20 in the morning. The following is a re-cap of the day's adventures, but keep in mind I was really drunk. So some of it might seem blotchy.

I had been looking forward to Patty's Day all week long. It seemed like it would never come. The night before the festivities, my good friend Scott came over to play Monopoly. I lost. Again. More importantly though, we drank a 12-pack of cheap, shitty beer. So the next morning when Scott came over for Patty's Day, we were already a little hungover. But boy was I hungry.

Our first destination was The Brass, where we would have breakfast and beer. I ordered some pancakes, and when our beer arrived it was green! In all honestly, I had never had green beer before. Something about it just seemed wrong. Sure, it's just green food coloring, but the notion of adding it to my beer seemed to always cheapen the whole experience for me. Nevertheless, I drank it. And enjoyed it.

The pancakes were really good. Actually, some of the best pancakes I've ever had. They were blueberry. And I love blueberries almost as much as I love boobies. Our server gave us some small green hats to wear, and they were fun for a couple of minutes. Including me and Scott, there were only two tables of people that were actually drinking beer with their breakfast. The other table was a group of girls who had started even before we got there. We used our deductive reasoning to come to the conclusion that they are cooler than us.

It wasn't long before Steve and Bobbi-Jo showed up to the Brass to chill too. Scott had to leave for some pub crawl, and then the three remaining of us headed to The Pilot House. It's a nice little quaint place, and they had a special deal for Patty's Day. Ten bucks got you a pint and a Guinness hat. It was green and sparkly and I HAD TO HAVE IT. There was an older crowd at this Pub, including our former mayor, but we had a great time there anyway. Steve asked me, "what are you gonna do with your hat?"
To which I replied, "Knowning me I'll give it to the first pretty girl who asks for it".

We left for The Brew Pub, and getting there was challenging because the wind kept blowing our new green hats off. When we finally got there we ended up with the best seat in the house. We also had a craving for some nachos. Those nachos went well with our Oatmeal Stouts. The Brew Pub had some live entertainment and we were visited by The Godparents of Steve's nephew. At this point (or pint, maybe) I was starting to feel tipsy. Awesome! I was well on my way to being drunk. We made a coonscious decision to hit The Merchant next, where we saw some live music by Spencer Evans, and Andy Love. And I had some more Guinness. I got the hiccups, which is usually bad news, but I wasn't feeling all that drunk. Some drunk girl came up to me and asked me to trade hats with her, but I just couldn't do it. I was still feeling pretty attached to my Guinness hat. My hiccups had gotten so annoying that I was forced to combat them with a pint of water. I never felt like such a sissy in my life.

We then went to The Toucan which, for me, has always been THE Irish Pub in town. It's where I had my first Guinness all those years ago, and where I first had the "Leadbelly" Hamburger when I was 12 years old. It was busy inside and we were shunned to their heated patio. We ended up meeting new friends, Josh and Lateisha, there. We all had some great laughs about ketchup (or is it catsup) and decided that Josh and I should have our own TV Show.

After The Toucan's wonderful food and beer, I decided it was time to go home to my woman. A smart drunk man always thinks with his other head, so I stopped into Shopper's Drug Mart to buy condoms. In my stumbling I passed by a group of cute girls who liked my hat. So I gave it to them. They were with a guy who was also buying condoms. And I can only hope for his sake that he got to use those condoms with all four of the girls. If you're out there man, atta boy!
He was younger than me, and I could tell by the brand of condoms he was buying that he wasn't very experienced either. I suggested he get the same kind I was buying. But he replied, "I thought these ribbed ones would be better." I then explained to him that if you know what you're doing down there, the condoms don't need to be ribbed. That's when the cashier joined our conversation and agreed with me, stating that her and her boyfriend use the same brand I was buying.
I then continued on my way home, stopping momentarily into Mybar to see if some friends were there, but they weren't. So I jumped in a cab, went home, and the rest is history.
So all in all, another great Patty's Day.