Ryan Fan Club - Ryan's Blog

RYAN FAN CLUB MERCH
Exclusively from CafePress.com

Songs played at the Outdoor Jam Party: Rocky IV
Fart In Your Mouth
I Have A Penis
Yer Mom
The Woman Is Cold
Sloop John B. (with Jon Browne)
Sunglasses At Night
Secret Bonus Track
Put Those Kids To Work / The Brady Bunch
Do A Fat Chick

RYAN FAN CLUB MERCH
Exclusively from CafePress.com

Photos by:
Dana Roper
Ryan Matthew
Johnny San
Riot Report
Aida Hodkinson

May 25, 2007
Hello blog!
I hope everyone out there had a great long weekend! I was fortunate enough to snag four days off work, and all ninety-six hours of no-work was fantastic. My kitten, Ozma, was recently fixed and that means I don't have to listen to her moan and groan anymore. It was really annoying, because I'm the only male that's ever around her so while she was in heat she had this tendancy to follow me around and show me her butt. That's gross.

I started my long-weekend off right, with a trip outside of the country. Sure, it was just barely across the border to The United States of America, but it was still out of the country. Going into the US was a longer process than it was the last time I visited, which was nearly ten years ago. They wanted to know everything. How much money we had on us. How we all knew each other in the car. If we had any odd birthmarks. Well, okay that one didn't happen but I'm surprized they didn't ask. The whole idea of going to The States was because my friend Jimmy said they have great yogurt there. So we picked up and went. He's right, too. The yogurt there is pretty good. I was hoping to see some real American stereotypes, but I guess I would've had to have gone further south for that. Instead, I saw lots of army people. Considering the Wal-Mart we were at was on the Fort Drum base that isn't too surprizing. Inside Wal-Mart I had to use their washroom and I was greeted on my way in by a little boy. I'm not sure if the kid in the entrance way was an actual Wal-Mart employee, but he was nice enough to say hello and welcome me to the Wal-Mart bathroom. I did some shopping there, and purchased a couple Superman action figures I've had a hard time finding in Canada. What does a grown man need with a small Supergirl toy? I dunno either. I also bought some Pirates of the Caribbean cereal and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, which have already been written about on this website. If you haven't read those articles and seen those vids, check them out. Coming back into Canada wasn't so high maintenance. They didn't even ask us for identification, just where we lived and how long we were gone! I was hit with a thirteen dollar duty fee on the case of beer I bought, and that was a longer process than I had hoped it would've been, but I had no arguments about paying the duty. I was just upset that I got hit with a fee and nobody else did. Oh well, I wasn't about to argue for long cause that would've ended up with my arse getting penetrated by a rubber glove, and I can do without that party favor.

The next day I went to the Outdoor Jam Party hosted by my friend Aida. Basically it was a chance for people to drink and play some tunes. Johnny San came with me to the event, and we played songs from our Impotence To The Max! and New Ditty CDs. I Have A Penis, Put Those Kids To Work, Fart In Your Mouth,and Rocky IV were among the songs that went over really well. We even through in a cover of "Sunglasses At Night", that classic Corey Hart song. An old buddy of mine, Jon Browne, was on hand singing some of his tunes (Chicks from the Heights, The Loser Song) and we did a rendition of the classic Sloop John B. It was really good to see those folks again. I hadn't seen Jon Browne for a couple years almost, and usually when I see Aida it's because I've bumped into her at random somewhere. A plethora of familiar faces were on hand, including Lisa Adams, Julian Freeman, Cindy Goulet, and Meghan Nayda. I saw lots of new faces too, which I hope will turn into more familiar faces as time goes by. Mr. Browne hosts an open-mic night downtown, and we'll be sure to bring some of our crazy songs there one of these nights. The Outdoor Jam Party was so much fun that I hated to leave it, but I had another commitment to attend as well.
My good buddy Riot does his own internet podcast show just about every Saturday. I usually try to make an appearance to give my two cents on geek-related news. I also love to express my love for boobies while I'm there. And lesbians. And... well, I'm gonna stop before that list gets too long. Half the fun of Riot's show is being in the background and causing whatever trouble we can with the other guests. There's usually a really stupid movie on TV and Rob-Rob is there gawking over Japanese cartoon characters. The end of his podcast usually results in all of us getting up and dancing... for no reason whatsoever. It's better to see than to hear about. Eighty percent of us have no dancing feet. We need to magically find a pair of Hammerman's talking shoes. One of the guests that night, Zarra, paints her toenails black, just like I do. Check out the picture below and see if you can tell the difference between her foot and mine. The answer is at the bottom of the article... but no skipping ahead!

My long-weekend was topped off with some road hockey. What better way to celebrate the Queen's birthday than playing Canada's national sport? A bunch of us have gotten together twice now for road hockey and it's been great both times. This time, we had twice the number of players as the first day and we were all in less pain than the first time around. I scored two goals and notched two assists as well. That may sound like a lot, but my teammate Stuart racked up six goals, so I was basically feeding him the tennis ball whenever possible. And let me tell you, playing with a tennis ball is mother fucking ridiculous. That little green ball has so much bounce it goes everywhere. I brought some orange road hockey balls, but they were a cheap dollar store brand and they were absolutely good for nothing. We dropped one from about shoulder-height and when it hit the ground it wiggled away. WIGGLED! The lesson here is you only get what you pay for. Good thing there was a tennis ball on hand.

My team was made up of people I work with. Me, Steve, Scott, Stuart, Earnest, Jeff, Blair, and Bobbie-Jo. Okay, BJ doesn't work with me but we picked her before Andrew Kerr. We opted to even take a couple pylons before taking Andrew, a choice that would get us all in the end. The other team was composed of Andrew, with Dustin, Orlicky, and a bunch of dudes they knew who were all about 8-10 years younger than us and in better shape than us. It turns out they were all army cadets and such, so that explained their superior physique. Two of my teammates were chain-smokers, and we were all old enough to remember when the Colorado Avalanche were called the Quebec Nordiques. Needless to say, we were worried about playing against these young up-starts. Hard work and heart paid off though, and for the entire game were always at least two goals ahead. I like to think it was the power of my pink shoes that day. I get a lot of flack for my pink shoes. When everyone was ready to go home and call it a day we decided, in true road hockey fashion, that the whoever got the next goal would win. Well fuck me stupid, cause in the last couple moments a flash of brilliance exploded from Andrew Kerr and he put in the game winner. We all stood there with our jaws on the ground, realizing that maybe our precious pylons that stood on the sidelines for the whole game should go back to the farm team.

And that's it for my long weekend! At least the big events. The little spaces in between were spent drinking beer and visiting relatives and going to the casino. So have a great regular weekend coming, and check back soon for new articles!
Answer to the foot question: Ryan's foot is on the left, and Zarra's foot is on the right!