 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
August 4, 2006 My friend Scott needing help moving. He just split up with his woman and was moving into a bachelor pad of his own. He didn't have much to move, but doing it was a day-long chore. The move consisted of items from three key locations: Jimmy One Scoop's house, Scott's Ex-Girlfriend's apartment, and IKEA. The beer he supplied me with was more than adequate for my services. It all started on a rainy Saturday morning. Scott was working 5 am until 10 am that day so me and Jimmy One Scoop took his apartment keys and started with some of the stuff that Scott already had in Kingston. Scott bought a couch from Jimmy and I took it upon myself to move it. Luckily for me, this couch was sectional and each piece wasn't that heavy at all. Soon enough we picked up Scott from work and began our journey to Smiths Falls Ontario. I was promised lunch, and I took Scott up on his promise. We stopped at a little diner in Smiths Falls when we got there. We were all pretty hungry and needed some energy to keep us going. I had the chicken parmesian while I gave Scott my expert opinion on his situation. Words like "bitch" and "dangling you along" came from my mouth while Jimmy stuck to the basics like "cunt" and "let's set all her clothes on fire". 
  I was really impressed with our waitress at the Smiths Falls Diner. She looked like a yummy mummy. A little older, but still soft on the edges... that look of experience. I kept trying to convince Scott that he should take her in the back and make the love to her. After all, he's single now and should try to sleep with all the girls that I'm not allowed to. Next stop was his Ex-Girlfriend's apartment. Scott started putting clothes in boxes while I went thru their CD collection to see what was his. That wasn't hard. I put all the Zeppelin and Chili Peppers albums in one pile, and all the Janet Jackson and Dixie Chicks CDs in another. Scott was reluctant about taking his diploma that was hanging on the wall, to which I replied "Dude, you earned that shit. It has to come with you." Jimmy was a little more hard-edged about the whole thing saying "Scott, there's a really good chance you're never coming back here so take everything that is yours." I was going to take a poop in her toilet and leave it for her to find, but an old man (possibly her father) was staring in the bathroom window from the outside. So I just peed instead. It's important to note something strange. Almost Twilight Zone-ish. I have come to the conclusion that the only attractive people in Smiths Falls spend their time at the Tim Horton's there. Other than our couger-waitress at the diner, the town is full of unattractive people. We left Smiths Falls a lot quieter than we came in. We wanted to give Scott a chance to collect his thoughts and reflect upon everything. Breaking up with someone is hard to go through. Then I farted. Really badly. Scott's attitude changed pretty quickly as we trekked to IKEA. He became more optimistic, even calling his Ex-Girlfriend names by this point. Jimmy and I were proud of him. At IKEA he bought a TV stand and a lamp. Then he checked out a super-hot blonde that wouldn't have given any of us the time of day. Pat on the back for that one Scott. We returned to his bachelor pad in Kingston and loaded the rest of his stuff in. Then we drank a load of beer. After a couple bottles of Lakeport I returned to my own place, just down the street. I vowed to return later that evening to play some poker and drink more of Scott's beer. When I got home my girlfriend dyed my hair black and I saw some preview scenes from the new DVD Superman II: The Donner Cut. That got me excited. I returned to Scott's place, almost won at poker, drank a lot of beer, and stayed up the entire night because I had to work at 5 am the next morning. That next day was equally long, but I don't remember anything about it to write. |
