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September 4, 2006
I am once again the Monopoly champion!

Here's what happened: It was a rainy Saturday night and I was at home alone adding pornstars to my Myspace. Dana phoned to tell me that she bought us a new couch. It'll be arriving on Wednesday. I can't wait to see it. Then my friend Scott phoned. He suggested we have a game of Monopoly. There's some evil history behind that. Scott once managed to get immunity on all the properties on the board and completely destroyed us all in a game. We're talking 4 or 5 players here. We all went down with no mercy. Naturally, I take every challenge he offers when it comes to the famous Parker Brothers game of property and lanlord scumliness.

The players (shown below): Me, My girlfriend Dana, and the Monopoly Champ Scott Bryan.
Scott showed up with a 6-pack of Lakeport beer, and I had five in the fridge from my last weekend at Adam and Molly's cottage. We started to drink those while setting up the board. I was the iron, as usual. Dana was the car, and Scott was the hat. The game proceeded quickly. I was first to pass go, thanks to a lucky Chance card on my very first roll. I started buying up as much property as I could get my hands on. That was when Scott started sobbing. He knew the end of his reign was inching closer and closer with every roll of the dice.

The game moved smoothly, and Dana was the first to complete a monopoly of property. She had the purple ones just after jail. Soon enough though, and with a great knack for trading, I had houses on the luxurious green squares. By this point Scott was practically praying to God for help. To add insult to injury I hit Free Parking a couple of times and was able to build an array of houses. I offered Dana $100 for her Baltic avenue, cause I have an affinity for those cheap purple properties after "Go". She declined. The offer quickly dropped to $95, and consistently fell in price until the end of the game where my final offer was $6.

Scott tried to make a game of it, proving that he always has a fighting chance. He had houses on the much sought-after yellow properties, and the welfare-ridden projects that are the cheap blue properties. However, it was Dana who was the first to get Hotels on her purples, and she took dent after dent out of Scott's money pile. At this point I was starting to worry about my own girlfriend as a potential enemy in this game. Scott hit the Luxury Tax a few times and had to sell off his houses and mortgage property just to make ends meet. He knew it was over for him, and just because he didn't want me to win, he sold everything he had to Dana for a mere $5.
Scott was eliminted when he landed on my Pacific Avenue with four houses. He's not a sore loser though, so he let me take those cool pictures for bragging rights. Then it was one-on-one with Dana. Another land on Free Parking ensured some extra cash for me, and at that point I had to play it smart. I moved hotels on to my green spaces, freeing up some houses for extra building. Dana played hard and well, but in the end she just couldn't compete with my massive amount of property.

I would like to thank my competition that night for a great game, and I'm proud to once again be the Monopoly Champion.

The drinking didn't stop after the game either. We had some more beer and Fireball while watching Eddie Murphy's Delirious. The only thing that bothered me about the night was that I never once won 2nd Prize in a beauty contest. Oh well, always a bride's maid and never a bride~!