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June 22, 2009 Summer is always a super-busy time for me, and it looks like Summer 2009 will be no different. Sure, I'm still making music videos for my Friggidy Ding-Dong CD, and I'm giving away some really cool swag in my Top 11 Contest, and I just heard great news that my kitten Ozma won a dress-up competition. But I always have time for Road Hockey. It started a couple years ago when a bunch of us decided to see just how out of shape we were. We played road hockey in the most ghetto of all fashions. We used recycling bins instead of nets and played on a tennis court. We still play in the tennis court (and still have to fight off tennis players) but we retired the recycling boxes in exchange for some real nets and goalies. It's made our games that much more exciting. I'm not going to pretend that I'm any good. Sure, I've scored close to 40 goals so far this summer, but there's a reason they call me a "Cherry Picker" and I know for a fact that I don't hang around high schools anymore. Mind you, that ain't a bad idea either.   Road Hockey Gang 2009 - - Ryan freaks out Matt I play with a great group of guys n' gals of all different skill levels, and we're there for the fun of it all. Mostly though, we're there to pick on Andrew. I like to think that he's my bitch... but he's a good guy. So I protect him just as much as I pick on him. The real scoring race runs between two guys named Matt and Scott. Matt's a Montreal Canadies fan and I try my best not to hold it against him. It's not his fault, really. Habs fans are a result of poor Canadian climate. Scott is an Ottawa Senators fan, which isn't as bad as a Habs fan, but... well, I dunno. I know what you might be thinking, and no, I'm not a Leafs fan at all. I cheer for the Bruins. As I mentioned before, we all play in a tennis court. This way, we're fenced in and don't have to worry about cars. Well, a car could crash into the tennis court, but it's about as likely as Dustin scoring on an empty net from three feet away. Having the fence around us led to the creation of The Tarantula. It's essentially a wrestling move, in which you pin the guy against the fence with your arms AND legs and then shake them between you and the fence. As far as I know, Orlicky is the only one to fully escape The Tarntula.   Spencer & Matt block Ryan's cherry picking - - The aftermath of Ryan's Tarantula on Andrew It's not just young dudes playing either. We play with this guy named Joe, who refuses to acknowledge his real age (we're estimating somewhere between 25 and 65, depending on what hat he's wearing that day) and we play with girls too. The girls get just as physical as the boys do. Corin isn't afraid to get into the corners with big guys like Scott and Dustin. And Sam is tough enough that she actually picked a fight with me. I think it ended in a draw, but I'm sure she thought she won. Either way, our war is far from over. (note: while writing that last sentence I heard Optimus Prime's voice in my head). My wife Dana plays too, and she's finally finding her niche out there. We have some dedicated folks out there. Earnest and Jason aren't afraid to strap on the pads and get in the way of our slapshots. Subconsciously I think we might be aiming for the balls. That's probably why the scoring is so low. Andrew takes all the punishment we can give. Johnny, Wes, and Skinny are the quieter guys that seem to keep finding openings at just the right times. Then there's Spencer who can't seem to go a game without getting a life-threatening injury. And me? Well, I'll just keep picking cherries until I have a basket full enough to retire. So a big shout-out to all my Road Hockey gang. This summer's just getting good.
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