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    The protagonist, Brian Flanagan, goes to community college to get a degree in business. But between the boring textbooks and overbearing professors, Flanagan realizes he can learn much more in a bar. Flanagan even writes a business proposal for his own night club, which is rejected by his business prof. So Flanagan finds a partner in Doug Coughlin and they make more than enough money in the booze business to pay for what Flanagan's student loans would've been. Lesson: Get an education at the bar. Part Two - Mentor A Man With An Accent Doug Coughlin is either Irish, Scottish, English, or Australian. I'm not too sure if they mention it in the movie, but it doesn't matter much because all we need to know is that he has a pretty cool accent. Of course women are attracted to him. Young men such as Flanagan are engulfed by accents as well because they know babes like them. Coughlin passes on his "Coughlin's Laws" to young Flanagan at every opportunity, and the two become best of friends. Lesson: Chicks dig a dude with an accent... so fake it if you have to. Part Three - Cougars Are Only So Awesome Cougars are great, especially when they're on the prowl, but here's a learner in being faithful: Flanagan had hooked up with Elisabeth Shue (every man's dream) and then took a bet to get with a rich old lady. Dude... I know it worked in theory, but come on... you fucked around on Elisabeth Shue. You're lucky she took you back. Actually, you're lucky you knocked her up so she pretty much had to take you back. Lesson: Not all women are as super-hot and forgiving as Elisabeth Shue is. So if you fuck around, chances are they won't take you back. Part Four - Talk In Rhyme at a Convenient Time People will always listen if you can talk in rhyme. It worked for Roadblock in GI Joe. It works for Snoop Dogg. And it worked for Brian Flanagan too. But it's always best if you do it as a toast, with a nice drink in your hand. Lesson: Don't go crazy and join the church of Scientology. So there we have it. If you've never seen Cocktail, go rent it. Or buy it. It's usually in the cheap bin at Wal-Mart for about five bucks. You might get something completely different out of the movie. And at least you'll get to stare at Elisabeth Shue in a bathing suit.
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