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 The players: Ryan Fan Club, Scott Bryan, Andrew Kerr, Steve Medeiros, Dana Roper, Ashley, Roper, and Bobbie-Jo Kelly. Pub #1 - The Pilot House Our first stop of the day was The Pilot House. It's a quaint little British Pub with only a handful of tables, but a great selection of beer on tap. Their selection of girly drinks wasn't nearly as good as all their imported beer, but you can't expect too many sissy flavors in a pub. They had Aerosmith's "Dream On" playing when I first sat down, and that led me to believe that it was going to be a good day. Dana doesn't like beer, and she finally found one she could get down. I'm surprized, and never thought the first beer she'd like would be a Grasshopper. We all agreed that the bathrooms were small, and the door to the men's room wouldn't stay closed on it's own power. The server was an older gentleman, and he was cool and very interactive with us. Not exactly easy on the eyes for a bunch of twenty-somethings, but all the boys agreed that if we grew up to be like this guy then all would be well. The only other eye-candy in this place was the fat man sitting next to me, spilling his ketchup on his white shirt. We all decided then that Andrew was creepy, because he was able to explain to everyone the clothes I was wearing nearly ten years ago. Stalker! Pub #2 - The Brew Pub (Kingston Brewing Company) The Brew Pub is a place we're all familiar with. It's one of our usual drinking spots... but for the first time we were actually paying serious attention to the decor on the walls. I hate going to places that have one hundred Molson signs on the wall, and some Coor's Light signs that have neon lights in them. It just annoys me. So I was happy to look at all the swag the Brew Pub adorned it's walls with. Signs and taps for all the beers I like, and some I've never even heard of. Again, we had to settle for a dude to bring us drinks, so we just looked at the other waitresses and pretended they were ours. The Brew Pub makes their own beer, which is awesome, and we managed to steer Andrew away from his usual Budweiser for one stop. He was entranced by the carbonated bubbles in his glass. The sisters were happy to get some Cheesecake, and Steve had a Guinnes. Ashley fell in love with some guy that was sitting behind us, and if she were smart about it, she would've invited him to Pub War. I love the beer at the Brew Pub, and I love the atmosphere, but the only drawback is that you have to go downstairs to get to the pisser. Some drunken nights I've almost fallen down it. 
 The Tir Nan Og, probably the largest pub we were at all day, has a great beer selection, and an equally good selection of girly martinis. The waitresses are dressed in little skirts (which normally look good, but not so much on this day) and apparently one of the waiters there looks like Ruffio from the movie Hook. The 'Nog (as townies call it) has a wonderful pisser, perfect to accompany four or five urinators at once. At this pub, my buddy Adam visited us on his way to his father's birthday party. He even solved our dilemma. Andrew was trying to figure out a song based on the lyrics and none of us could help. We suggested he call the radio station to ask them in his drunkeness (yes, Andrew was drunk after two beer) but he kept getting a busy signal. Adam saved the day by telling Andrew that the song was "Mother Mother" by Traci Bonham. I had an Old Speckled Hen at the Nog, but had to settle for it in a bottle because their keg was lost and frozen somewhere in Nova Scotia. Some pretty girls showed up as we were leaving, but as for eye-candy otherwise, there wasn't much at all. Pub #4 - The Merchant The Merchant is a place we like to go to at night time for some happy pints. Especially if Spencer Evans is playing. If he's there, you know you're in for a good show. However, when the sun is still out the Merchant doesn't have that dark & dank feel to it that makes it so appealing. As for beer selection, normally they have whatever we want, but on this day they had fuck all. Apparently they were so busy the night before that they ran out of Guinness and Harp, which hurt me deep down. I really wanted a pint of Harp. The bathrooms there are cool, but we can't fucking figure out why there is a gum machine there, and why it's a $2 package. The Merchant will be given a second chance because of their live music and their hot, friendly waitresses. Pub #5 - The Toucan When we reached The Toucan we took a seat on the patio. Steve, Bobbie, and I went ahead because everyone else needed to stop at Tim Horton's for a coffee. Clearly Scott didn't learn anything from our Coffee War last month, because we came to the decision that Timmie's was gross. On the way to the Toucan I bumped into an old friend, Laura, who I haven't seen in years. Then came our second disappointment of the day. At the Toucan, the waitress could've cared less that we were doing Pub War, and the only reason I forgive her is because she has a nice body. But when you take into consideration that she fucked up Bobbi's drink, and then later completely forgot to bring her any food, it's hard to justify. I love the food at the Toucan, and I love their beer selection. I finally got my pint of Harp. Their men's bathroom is legendary. While you piss you can read stories from newspapers that aren't even credible enough to be the Enquirer. I read a great little passage about the "Pilates of the Caribbean". On our way out the door we bumped into Josh and his girlfriend, who we met at the Toucan on St. Patty's Day. Pub #6 - The Queen's Inn I was surprized at how much I enjoyed the Queen's Inn. This was my first time there, and I knew I was in for a little sports-bar style place, but I didn't imagine they would have good beer. And they did! They also had some shitty beer, and both Scott and Steve couldn't resist ordering an OV. Their big screen was showing golf, which is bad, but then they switched it to cheerleaders, which is good. Ashley had to slow herself down and had a water along with her bottle of Woddys. Dana and Bobbie came to the conclusion that the women's room was gross, but us boys didn't mind the men's room at all. Our only real complaint had to be the Maple Leafs flag hanging by the bar. Andrew and Ashley are Leafs fans, but their opinion doesn't count.   On the way to the Bavarian Biergarden I received a shot to the sternum for a punchbuggy. I didn't breathe in for five minutes. It was awesome. When we got to the Biergarden, which was my most anticipated stop of the day, we were turned away because the back Biergarden was closed and only the front Amadeus Cafe was open. They made a couple excuses about why we wouldn't be comfortable there, but we understand their english pretty well. While we didn't know who was going to win Pub War, it became very clear who had just taken last place. Pub #8 - Ben's Pub Ben's Pub was another place I'd never been to before. A quiet, little lodge-type bar with bunnies all over the place, Ben's Pub had the cleanest bathroom us boys have ever seen. If I'm ever out and about and need to crap, I'll have no problem running into Ben's Pub to do it. Bobbie even managed to get a drink called a Harvey Wallbanger, even though it wasn't on their menu. Upstairs they had an Elvis pinball machine, and that kicks ass. For the most part though, we all felt a little eerily uncomfortable at Ben's Pub... almost like we didn't fit in somehow. 
 It was around 7:00 pm or so when we reached the Brass. The hockey game was about to start, and on the way there Ashely saw the guy she fell in love with at the Brew Pub. He was with a girl though, and Ashley's heart was broken. Steve watched hockey at the Brass while Scott and me played some pool. I whooped at pool just as well as I normally whoop him in Monopoly. The eye-candy at the Brass was the best of the day, as can be expected from the Brass. Our waitress was incredible, and even the girls thought there were some hot guys in the place. The bathroom at the Brass is a mess of graphittied walls, and a paper dispenser that you never know for sure if it's full or not. But that's the Brass for ya, and that's how we love it there. Pub #10 - Rhea's Rhea's was added to our list of pubs only a week or two before Pub War. They had a faded, scratched up sign outside that says "PUB", so we felt it was only fair to make it our last stop of the competition. Believe it or not, Rhea's was the sleeper hit of the whole day. Who would've thought that drinking with old people, in a bar with a warped pool table, and a bathroom with a gaping whole in the wall could've been so much fun. They have a fantastic jukebox that enabled me to hear some more Aerosmith and some Buckcherry. Dana played Matthew Sweet's "Girflriend" on that box cause we're both addicted to it from Guitar Hero. Scott got the waitress' phone number and Steve made friends with some old ladies. Ashley... wasn't feeling too well at this point and she slowed down considerably. Then came the highlight of the night. If you've seen the movie "Waiting", then you know what The Brain is. If you don't know, go watch the movie right now. I readied myself in the bathroom and had Scott lure Andrew in to rate the Pisser. Then BAM! Andrew was brained in a public bar. We kicked him in the ass and called him a fag, then left Pub War 2007 for our after party. 
 We went to Philthy McNasty's for the after party, and there was some more great eye-candy there. Philthy's has the greatest hand dryers of all time. They actually might be peeling off your wet skin without you knowing. Then allofasudden Ashley didn't feel so well. So Dana took her home, where Ashley proceeded to barf away the night and then sleep it off. The boys n' Bobbie then moved to Mybar, cause it wouldn't be a night on the town unless we stopped there too. We tried to get Andrew to redeem himself by Braining some random dudes at the bar, but he wasn't game for it. I think he was scared of getting beat up. I took off, cause I had to wake up early the next day, and the rest of the party carried on without me at the Joy Supper Club. All in all, I had a great time and would do it all again. And The Winner Is... The Bavarian Biergarden! Yeah, fuck that. We narrowed it down to three finalists: The Pilot House, The Brew Pub, and The Brass. Then we decided that our visit to the Brass wasn't anything out of the ordinary, and we could've had that experience on any given occassion there. So between The Pilot House and The Brew Pub we had to make a decision. And I'm happy to announce that based on excellent service, great selection, nice atmosphere, and eye-candy that can only improve if I keep going there more often, The Pilot House is the winner of Pub War 2007. Congrats to them, and I'll be going back there for a Guinness without a doubt.
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