RYAN FAN CLUB MERCH
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No Holds Barred
Somewhere between Rocky III and Santa With Muscles Hulk Hogan did this little gem of a flick. If you were a child in 1989 you might have been fortunate enough to see it in theaters like me. The Hulkster plays a character named "Rip", who just so happens to be the WWF Champion. A rival TV Network creates a show called "Battle of the Tough Guys" and wants Hulk... err.... Rip... to be the main event. Rip says, "No way brother!" So they get their own dude named Zeus to pretty much try and murder Rip - but in the wrestling ring!
The Good: Without a doubt this is Hulk Hogan's greatest acting achivement. Sure, you could argue that Hulk Hogan is just playing Hulk Hogan (in blue trunks instead of yellow), but fuck, that's what he's good at. We all enjoyed Hogan in a tutu, and as an alien from outer space, and he's also a better Santa than Tim Allen... but nothing beats the training, the prayers, and the vitamins. Don't get me wrong, this movie has enough cheese to make poutine with. But in that good way. If you're a fan of real cinema, you probably aren't reading this review anyway.
Lucky wrestling fans in late '89 could order a pay-per-view that had this movie AND a cage match with Hulk Hogan and Brutus "The Barber" fighting Zeus and "Macho Man".
The Bad: As far as I can tell there is no soundtrack for this movie available on LP, cassette, or CD. And that, my friends, is a goddam crime. I guess I'll have to settle for the Hulk Hogan & The Wrestling Boot Band CD. Yes, that one really does exist. And no, you can't have mine.
The Verdict: Come on, WWF (or WWE, or whatever you wanna call yourself these days)... we want an official No Holds Barred DVD. You could put that cage match in it as a special feature. And the music video too!
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