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Top 11 Cartoon Babes I'd Sleep With
Some of you may say... Hey Ryan, I don't think this is the first time you've done a list like this. And you'd be right. A few years back I did a "Top 11 Cartoon Babes I'd Give Sweet Lovin' To" in RFC 'Zine #22. Well, it's been a few years since that list and not only are there new cartoons with new babes in them, but it's possible that my tastes may have changed a bit too. If you have that old 'Zine kicking around, feel free to do a comparison. And if you wanna tell me who you think the Top Cartoon Babes are, feel free to email me your list.
So since I myself am a cartoon, here's the Top 11 Cartoon Babes I'd Sleep With.
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#11 - Poison Ivy
Starting this list is Poison Ivy. It's no big, dark secret that I have a thing for redheads. It must be the Irish in me. Well, like most guys, I also have a thing for dangerous chicks. Poison Ivy will love you until she's done with you and then kill you without thinking twice. A date with her would be hard though, because what kind of flowers do you give a girl who is obsessed with plants? Chances are no matter what flowers you bring her, she already has them. Except that the ones she has will kill you. I think she might also be into girls, though it's never really been acknowledged as fact. I just get that feeling when I watch her team up with Harley Quinn on Batman: The Animated Series.
Possible Date Idea: Take her to the good ol' fashioned dinner/movie, but as soon as you see her put some lip balm on, run for the hills.
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#10 - Nikki Wong
Nikki Wong (from 6Teen) gets the approval of my very own girlfriend. In her own words, "That chick is cool." Even the most uptight, prim & proper gentlemen have a thing for the bad-ass, speak-her-own-mind kind of girl. You just know that she's got a hidden tattoo and wants you to find it. Tattoos on chicks is like a bullseye for getting in the sack. She's cool because of her purple hair and independance. We all know that many of the perfectly pretty girls are fun to look at but boring as hell to talk to. It's the cool girls who don't wear make-up and let their natural beauty come through that make for fun dates. Too bad this list is just Cartoon Babes I'd Sleep With, and not Cartoon Babes I'd Date.
Possible Date Idea: Take her downtown with a few rolls of toilet paper and "enhance" a statue. Then go to the mall and make fun of all the "perfect" girls together.
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#9 - Janine Melnitz
Nerdy girls rule. Often overlooked, the nerdy girl is a deep-down nymphomaniac. Janine (the geeky secretary for the Ghostbusters) has a thing for nerdy dudes. And chances are if you're actually reading this list, then you're a nerdy dude. Sorry, but c'mon. Really. I'm a big geek for even writing it. In the Ghostbusters movie, Janine was never really all that hot. Sure, you'd take her home if you had a couple beer in you but you wouldn't go out of your way to meet her. In The Real Ghostbusters cartoon though she had something that made her desirable to everyone in the show.
Possible Date Idea: Take her to a museum of science & technology and within moments she'll get in the mood.
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#8 - Lois Griffin
Lois Griffin (from Family Guy, like I needed to tell you that) is the yummy-mummy all the dudes seem to dig these days. I don't really like the show, but I like her character. I think most of us find her hot because of how faithful she is to her man, Peter. Peter is obese and annoying, and many of us share those same qualities. So we look to Lois and think Wow, there are hot chicks out there that will tolerate someone like me. You can even see it on the show itself. Quagmire has the hots for Lois and he's gonna die alone. She cooks. She cleans. She's in to kinky sex. She's a good mom. And you know you wanna hear that squeaky voice of hers when it orgasms. Oh, and for the record, that's two redheads on this list now.
Possible Date Idea: Take her to see a live orchestra, then afterwards give her a nice foot and back massage. Make the whole evening all about her and she'll be putty in your hands.
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#7 - Hello Nurse
Hellllllllllllooooooooooo Nurse! It's just fun to say. As a kid of the 80s, developing hormones in the early 90s, it was no surprize that Hello Nurse was the coolest thing on television in 1992. Let's not forget that nurses are on my "To Do" list. Just try to find a guy who doens't like nurses.
Once again though, if you pay special attention you'll notice that Hello Nurse always hung around the scientist. Once again, the hot chicks like the nerdy dudes. That rules.
Possible Date Idea: Take her somewhere to see something with lots of lights and noises and cute animals. Stupid girls eat that stuff up.
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#6 - Jessica Rabbit
The last time I did a list like this my good friend Andrew King said "If Jessica Rabbit isn't #1 then I'll be forced to hurt you." Sorry Andrew, she still isn't number one here. But I can see why he'd say that. After all, she isn't bad... she's just drawn that way. The third redhead on the list doesn't crack the top five simply because of her love for animals. C'mon... she had a thing for a rabbit. You know when you download some porn and it's this super-hot girl and you're all excited and then BAM! She puts a carrott in her. The mood is ruined instantly. That's kinda how it is with Jessica Rabbit. In Who Framed Roger Rabbit she was way cooler when we all thought she was just using Roger to get away with murder.
Possible Date Idea: Go to the pet store and play with the bunnies. Just don't get upset when she likes them more than you.
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#5 - Arcee
Uh... yeah... Arcee here is a Transformer. I'm gonna get lots of weird e-mail over this. I degrade Jessica Rabbit for liking animals, yet I'll get it on with a Robot In Disguise. I don't really have any kind of defense here.
But, if you ask any Trans-Fan (Transformers, not Trans-sexuals) they'll tell you that after watching Transformers: The Movie they thought Arcee was pretty cute. And she's my favorite color. I'd even stick it in the voice actress for Arcee.
Arcee is nuturing and loving, and about one-hundred feet tall. So if you're in to tall girls, Arcee is perfect for you.
Possible Date Idea: Take her to get an oil job, then give her an oil job of your own... after you stick it up her exhaust pipe.
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#4 - April O'Neil
Hands up if you think April O'Neil (from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) should've hooked up with Casey Jones. Yeah, me too. But she never did, so that means she's fair game for all of us. April may or may not have had a large orgy party with the TMNT, and frankly, we'll never know. But what we do know is that she looked good in her yellow jumpsuit. She must've had a closet full of them, because it's all she ever seemed to wear. April was also a little older than the Turtles, so it's no shocker that they dug her. Most teenage dudes dig at least one older woman. The experience that comes with them is uncanny. Sadly, April's love life was always dragged down by her roomate, Irma's, lack of one.
Possible Date Idea: Have a picnic in the sewer with her, and for god's sake bring something to eat that isn't pizza. She must be sick of that by now.
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#3 - Miss Maggie Dunlop
Here's the fourth and final redhead on our list today. What could be more sexy to a geek than Drew Barrymore? The answer: Drew Barrymore as a cartoon! Shit yeah!
Miss Maggie Dunlop (in Curious George) represents the female version of all us male geeks. She's dorky, and likes nerdy guys like the Man in the Yellow Hat. She's a littly shy too when it comes to telling The Man In The Yellow Hat about her feelings for him. She digs history, and facts, and dinosaur bones, and she's great with kids.
It's actually pretty cool just how much the animation of this character resembles Drew Barrymore. Right down to her one-sided, half-smile... it really seems like you're watching Barrymore as a cartoon. Let's not forget that Curious George is simply the best animated movie since the 80s. That can't help but be good for her hotness.
Possible Date Idea: Take her to see a sunset, then ask her to spank your monkey.
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#2 - Glimmer
There's just something about a girl with pink hair that gets me every time. In The Secret of the Sword, Glimmer meets She-Ra's twin brother He-Man, and she digs him. Most of the girls on the She-Ra cartoon enjoyed whenever He-Man would guest appear, but He-Man always seemed to be more interested in his own sister (and that's an article for later this week). Glimmer was hot because of her attitude towards everything. Everything was cool with her. "Hey Glimmer, let's go throw rocks at old people." She'd say "Okay, whatever you wanna do." And with pink hair like that, you just gotta find out if the carpet matches the curtains.
Possible Date Idea: Take her dancing at a club with lots of flashing lights, then get her really drunk. At that point, she'll not only wanna take you home, but she'll also invite She-Ra to tag along for a threesome.
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#1 - Harley Quinn
This girl is totally fucking crazy. And I love crazy chicks. Harley Quinn, originally Harley Quinzell before being seduced by the Joker, is probably the most famous character from Batman: The Animated Series. Fanboys can't get enough of her. She's totally dedicated to her psychotic, abusive boyfriend, and as mentioned above she might also have a thing for Poison Ivy. I dunno what it is about a girl who dresses up as a clown... but you just gotta love it.
Harley goes to the extreme to win the love and admiration of her man. One time she almost killed Batman, but her big mistake was that she was holding him for Mr. J to make the final kill. You can't rely on Batman to just hang around and wait to be offed. Well, long story short, Joker got mad at Harley (again) and their rocky relationship makes you wanna step in and show her a good time.
Possible Date Idea: Just take her cruisin' and see what kind of trouble you can get into together. Don't expect to get in her pants on the first date though. She'll make you earn it.
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That's it for this Top 11! Hope you all enjoyed it!
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