RYAN FAN CLUB MERCH
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Top 11 Co-Hosts
It's no secret that I've always wanted to have my own talk show on TV. I was a huge fan of Regis & Kathie Lee back in the early 90s. Sometimes I would even fake sick so I could stay home from school to watch it. So if I were offered my own talk show, I'd need a co-host. And here are eleven possible co-hosts that I'd be proud to share my TV show with.
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#11 - Cyndi Lauper
Name of the show: Talk After Talk
If Cyndi were my co-host we'd have all kinds of good guests. We'd do a special Goonies reunion episode, and even bring out Captain Lou Albano for some old fashioned rubber band games. Rubber bands are the coolest thing since Max Headrom.
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#10 - Herbie The Love Bug
Name of the show: Back Seat Babble
Herbie and I would turn this talk show into more of a "Pimp My Ride" type show, where we take old cars and re-do them so hot chicks like Lindsay Lohan will drive them.
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#9 - Count Chocula
Name of the show: The Darkest Hour... with Ryan & Count Chocula
Chocula and I would do a show all about the hot Hollywood gossip. We'd take a look at celebrity scandals, and who is having babies in tinsel town. Every audience member would get a bag of the Count's marshmallows. Look closely and you'll even see Frankenberry leading our band before each commercial break.
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#8 - Jake "The Snake" Roberts
Name of the show: The DDT Show
Picture it. Jake "The Snake" Roberts, a former WWF wrestler who turned to God after retirement, and me getting drunk and reading the bible. Offensive? Maybe. But it would last long anyway. After forty seconds of listening to a drunk Jake talk, you'll be turning the channel. "In a cashino, yoush should gamfble."
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#7 - Ronald Reagan
Name of the show: Rockin' With Ryan n' Ronnie
True, Mr. Reagan may have passed away, but for the TV show we'd have a psychic channel him into the studio. Or I'd just get Carrot Top to dress up as Ronnie, if the psychic is sick that day. And if the Carrot Top AND the psychic were sick on the same day, I'd just splice in old footage from Ronnie's movies and public adresses.
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#6 - Rue McClanahan
Name of the show: Thank You For Being Our Guest
First and foremost, I would get Rue to convince us all that The Golden Palace show never happened, and that Golden Girls ended on a positive note. Then we'd have great guests like Leslie Nielson, Ron Jeremy, and Dakota Fanning. Oh, and cute pets that sound like people when they talk.
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#5 - A Footlong Hoagie
Name of the show: Watch Ryan & Friends Eat A Hoagie
The name pretty much says it all. Each day I have a special celebrity guest come on the show and we see who can finish eating a footlong hoagie first. Bring it on Paris Hilton! Bring it on Olsen Twins! Bring it on! YEAH!
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#4 - Gwildor
Name of the show: A Good Journey
Instead of having a studio where we invite guests, we would use Gwildor's "Cosmic Key" to travel to far away places and meet interesting guests. This show, unfortunately, wouldn't be able to be filmed live because Gwildor has a bad fucking habit of losing that Cosmic Key of his.
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#3 - Cobra Commander
Name of the show: The Midnight Hour with Ryan and The Commander
It's your usual late-night talk show, with all the usual features, so here's our theme song as sung by me and Cobra Commander:
Ryan - It's late at night so throw the switches
CC - Time for our late night show, bitches!
Ryan - Cobra and I are the best of friends
CC - So Destro, you can suck me off!
Ryan- (Uh...that's not how the song goes...)
CC - Big Finish!
Together - It's The Midnight Hour with Ryan and The Commander! Yeah!
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#2 - Gilbert Gottfried
Name of the show: Problem Adults
Here's a show where Gilbert and I bring out famous people to talk about what's wrong with the world today. And then we tell the guests that they're a bunch of cynical hypocrites. Then we get drunk, burn some money, and waste a bunch of food... all on live TV.
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#1 - Princess Toadstool
Name of the show: In Another Castle
This has all the makings of a classic. Just so long as Princess Toadstood doesn't pull a Kathie Lee on me and get knocked up by Mario then spend half the show talking about her kids. She's more of a lady than that anyway. Our special segment each day would involve a guest running an obstacle course while on mushrooms. If they can do it, they are allowed to come back to the another time. | | | | | | | | | | |
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