RYAN FAN CLUB MERCH
Exclusively from CafePress.com | |
|
Top 11 Things To Do While Drunk
We all like to partake in the drink every now and then, and I felt I should give you some ideas of things to do while you're drunk. Now, keep in mind that I very well may be drunk while writing this article, so if you do any of these acts I will not be held responsible.
But I will laugh.
#11 - Show up at a random party
You never know who is going to have a party. Parties are great places to drink for free, and sleep with someone's cute sister. Of course, there's always the chance you'll end up at an old person's retirement party, but don't worry, old people know how to boogie-oogie-oogie.
#10 - Taint the vegan section of the grocery store
Just when I finally started understanding vegetarians last summer, everyone decides to be a vegan. I'm pro-choice for just about everything, but it's still funny to make a vegan mad because they get really uptight about their food. So when you're good and liquored up this weekend stop by a grocery store, grab some ground beef and squeeze it over all of the organic veggies. Let those juices run!
#9 - Dress up like a clown and give away balloons to kids
Admit it, you've been looking for a reason to put that make-up on.
#8 - Dress up like a clown and give away knives to kids
Admit it, you've been looking for a reason to get arrested.
#7 - Pee Your Pants
Not once... not twice... not even three times! You gotta pee your pants at least once every fifteen minutes in order to make room for more beer. And the bars are so busy on Patty's Day that you won't be able to make it to the bathroom anyway. If you don't feel comfortable peeing in your pants, then pee in someone else's pants.
#6 - Throw Glass Houses At People Who Live In Stones
People who live in stones, a.k.a. "Stone People", have had it coming anyway. You can get a good glass house for under forty thousand dollars in today's market. God bless the economy.
#5 - Hump the statue of whichever figurehead is in your town
Unless of course you live in Philly PA and it's the Rocky statue. That one is off limits and I will personally call you names if you hump the Rocky statue. All other statues are game. Most of them are old and haven't gotten any in years anyway. They could use a good humping.
#4 - Make banana bread... but substitute the bananas with macaroni
And then offer it to people, still calling it banana bread. If anyone asks why there is macaroni in it, politely tell them to "Fuck The Hell Off".
#3 - Hop On One of those "Old People Tour Busses" and see where you end up
Old people love when us young folk pretend to take an interest in their adventures. You might end up at the casino, or a Tom Jones concert, or even some wild swinger party. Oldies are unpredictable like that. Besides, they always have cool candy in their purses.
#2 - Play The Penis Game
And old favorite of everyone's is the "Penis Game". Start by saying "penis" quietly, then everyone takes turns saying it louder and louder each time. Fun for everyone!
#1 - Get A Dokken Tattoo
Chicks will love it. Honestly. When you're good n' tanked and stumbling around at 2 am, show some hottie your Dokken tattoo and she will make the love to you in appreciation. If you don't like Dokken, that's too bad. Cause only a Dokken tattoo works every time.
|
