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 Here's a chance for you to get firmly accquainted with just how wonderful it is for me to be Ryan Fan Club. My name is Ryan, and yes, I run my own Fan Club. I'm 39 kinds of awesome. No, really. I have awesome hair, great shoes, and this inborn need to put my face on everything. That includes buttons and your underwear. If you thought sliced bread was important to the world, well, I guess it's time for sliced bread to move out of the way. Well, it sort of started as a joke. Long story short: I was joking with some friends on being famous so I started my own fan club. I gave people who signed up a hand-drawn membership card and a newsletter all about me. Naturally, more people wanted to join and they wanted more newsletters more often. This was mostly due to my sheer presence. So my joke backfired, and I've been having the time of my life being "Ryan Fan Club" for over ten years. (More on that here: http://www.ryanfanclub.com/history.html) Aside from the desire you feel every day to gaze upon my visage, YOU should join because this is real. Hey, you could send Tom Cruise a piece of fan mail and you might get back a letter from some guy in a suit who reads and responds for Mr. Cruise, but you'll always get MY words back. Nothing against the Top Gun, he was just the first famous person to come to mind. Not only that, Ryan-Fans can win Contests, Awards, and get lots of odd freebies through the year like mp3s, videos, and more. As if my love wasn't enough in the first place. Deep down I like to give. It is absolutely disgusting and I'm actually deathly allergic to the stuff. Well, okay, I'm not really allergic to it, but it's something I feel strongly enough to lie about. It's gross. And if you like mayo, I'm sorry to hear that. I will refer to you as the "Mayophiles". I don't know. I always assumed I could love the color pink more than I already do. I didn't realize I was truly that obsessed with it. Some of them just pop out while I'm sitting on the toilet. Some of them hit me while I'm waiting in line at the grocery store. I don't have a team of writers or anything like that. Sometimes I'll write something just to see what reaction I'll get... I wonder what people will say about a love song called "Fart In Your Mouth"... that sorta thing. There's just so much wonderful creativity inside this fantastic little mind of mine, that it squirts out my bum-hole. And for some reason, that's the stuff I share with you here. And you friggin' love it. |
