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 Peter Fairley 2. Why did you join the RFC? On the said occasion when Ryan shoved his hands southward, he also flashed an RFC membership card in my face. The idea was a damn catchy one, so I was a member within a matter of weeks. It goes without saying that Ryan really knows how to market shit, so someone had better give him a job doing it or I'll lose all faith in this world. 3. Why do you love Ryan with all your heart? He's all about promoting the value of high-fibre diets, so whenever I have my oatmeal or bran flakes, I always think about him and how greatful I am to him for making me a healthier man. Honestly, I've even thought about taping a picture of him onto my bag of wheat germ, but that'd be just plain weird. Also, Ryan's done such a wonderful job of keeping alive the spirit of that ever so great year, 1987. Because of that, I even sent a photo of myself from the Halloween of that very year! 4. Why should other people like you join? Ronnie Reagan gave a lot to our society. Not only was he proclaimed by the Ultimate Warrior as "the best American President of that last 50 years", but also voted by the entire nation as simply THE Greatest American. As a member of the Ryan Fan Club, you've got a chance to network with many others who agree with Ryan that "The world needs more Ronnie." The more numbers we've got, the better chance that we will be able to reshape the world into one as the Gipper would have liked it: a drug-free America, more cheesy synthesizers used in movies and shopping malls, and a Special Edition DVD release of Rocky 4 with Sly screaming "Ronniiiiieeeee!!!" when he climbs to the top of the mountain. If you can dream it, you can do it! 5. If you could spend a day with Ryan, what would you do? Go to an academic debate on which Ryan hairstyle was cooler: the 1994 buzz-cut, the 1998-2000 rocker hair, the 2001 shoulder length (with or without blond streaks), or the contemporary short-haired one. Special attention in this debate would also be paid to whether or not Ryan should bring back the tufts of hair that grew on his chin in around late 2000, which were about as popular as the "new" Coke of the late 80's, but, nevertheless, showed some great creative initiative on his part. The day would be rounded off at the Brew Pub, were we'd ask the kitchen staff if Josh was working. Then we'd hear Josh from the kitchen demanding, "Who the fuck's out there? Do they look like a couple of faggots? Just a minute ...oh, hey guys." And after Josh tells us to fuck off, we'd both go get Tata's, complain about how much we hate that Three Days Grace song, and finally head home for the night. Fun times.
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